All I've Ever Known
by Suzie's Q
Summary: For three years, James hasn't been able to let go of the battle he lost Lily in. But finding her again, even when he thought she was dead, it changes everything. AU.


Unfortunately, I don't own anything. One day... This was written for Jily AU Week, which was ages ago, I know. This is a oneshot and it's going to stay that way and someone will probably yell at me.

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**All I've Ever Known**  
Summary: For three years, James hasn't been able to let go of the battle he lost Lily in. But finding her again, even when he thought she was dead, it changes everything.  
Pairing: J/L  
Word Count: 873  
Rating: K+

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James looked down at the address again, and then back up at the house. It looked quite normal – brick walls, iron fence, standing in line with the other houses. It was the only house in the row that had its door painted. It was painted bright red, and James just started to believe that maybe Lily – his Lily – really was living there, perfectly well and alive.

He'd spent three years thinking she was dead, and he couldn't – he couldn't bear the pain of it – let himself believe that after this time, she might not be dead. She may have survived the battle. It was too good to be true, and if it wasn't true, James would crumble, breaking even worse than the first time. He'd never been the same since she'd died. Or since he'd thought she died. And going through it once was hard enough. Twice would kill him, and that was why he remained wary as he approached the house. Sirius had scrawled down the address, out of breath and panting and a little frenzied, having run to find James the moment he'd heard.

There was one thing nagging at him, and it was the reason he stood in front of the bright red door, hand hovering in a fist, but didn't knock. If she'd been alive all this time, why hadn't she come for him? Why had she hidden away? Why had she let him think she was dead? He'd given her a ring, they were going to get married... And she'd been snatched away from him, and hadn't come back.

Eventually, he swallowed hard and knocked. But what answered the door was not who he expected. It was a tall, broad man, with dirty blond hair and blue eyes, a few inches taller than James.

"Can I help you?" His voice was pleasant.

"I'm – I'm looking for Lily," he croaked out. "Lily Evans." His heart had began to hammer, and he fidgeted uncomfortably in the doorway as the man called her over his shoulder, eyeing him curiously.

It took a minute of deafening, maddening silence, before Lily appeared.

"Yes, love, what is it?" It was her. It was really her, in the flesh and blood, and she looked well and healthy, and James thought he was about to faint. She seemed to feel the same way; her jaw dropped and her face went pale, and though James had thought that, if by some miracle he was getting his girlfriend, he would stare at her until his eyes stung and the world fell away.

But his eyes slid very quickly from her, to the toddler on her hip, clutching her neck. His words – all his carefully planned words – were suddenly stuck in his throat, because suddenly things were clicking into place so rapidly it made him woozy.

He was looking at her – still so beautiful – and to the baby. He had his fingers stuck in his mouth, and was blinking at James curiously. His hair was jet black, like neither Lily nor this man who had opened the door. He stared at her, and – panic started to set in – he could see a ring on her finger. And it wasn't the one he had given her, what seemed like so long ago now.

His eyes flickered to the other man, the blond one, and to his finger, which also bore a ring. He was going to be sick. His heart was thudding so loud he wouldn't have known Lily had spoken if he hadn't seen her mouth move.

She walked over to him, eyes wide and her face pale. "James," she said – again, he realized belatedly. "What – how are you here – I thought you were –"

"-Dead?" he finished for her, his voice strangled. "Yeah. I know the feeling."

She stared at him, ashen-faced, and he held her gaze, until – like he'd imagined – the world fell away from them and he was looking at the love of his life and suddenly the world seemed so full of hope and possibilities. But they didn't last long.

She looked at him despairingly, swallowing hard. "James... This is my husband."

He said nothing. This man, her husband – Andrew, she called him – he knew something was wrong. James was gaping at her like she had pulled his heart from his chest and shredded it to bits, like she had told him he was a dying man, alone and helpless. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't stand still, he had to lean on the doorway for support.

"Lily..."

She turned to her husband, laying a hand on his arm, and spoke a few words that escaped James. He nodded and retreated into the house. Lily stepped out a little further, chewing her lip.

"I never thought I'd see you again."

It pulled him out of his spiral, because it was exactly the thing he'd been planning on saying. And then he would pull her into his arms, and the world would seem right again. But he couldn't do that, because there was already someone in her arms.

"James," she said again, her voice breaking. "This – This is Harry."

His heart plummeted even further at the words. The name was so familiar ...

"This is your son."

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Thank you for reading!


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